“Cutting you out of my life was inevitably one of the most painful experiences, perhaps just as painful as ripping a band aid from an open wound. A hurtful action yet mandatory to stop the continuous pain but I knew it could never be over because only one of us realised there was something there in the first place. To you it was all over before it even began. Surprisingly, the moment you left the world i was in began to show colours i never remembered existed.”

-it was nothing more than the idea of love 

“you’ll never be alone, you will always have me darling. Don’t you know you’re all I could ever ask for and more?” He said to me,”I don’t have any elaborate or luxurious gifts but I’ll always love you and treat you like no other.”

I felt myself giving in to him and I told myself I shouldn’t have. Because ultimately, everyone is temporary and will leave in the end but i thought that if there was one person that was destined to be with me, it would be him.

and you asked me why i started smoking so much,
i told you it’s just because i wanted to stop thinking for a bit,
i didn’t want to feel emptier than i already was,
wishing he was there to hold me.
Just because i wanted to forget everything he and i ever had
and that we will no longer be laughing at the movies
or singing to our favourite songs together.
Just because i couldn’t accept that he was doing our things with someone else
who wouldn’t appreciate the way he says his words
or the way he arranges his hair in the mirror.
Just because i lost myself trying to find him.
Just because.

The cage you’re entrapped in is made out of bars that can be bent. 
You see, you do not need to be strong,
you need to be courageous.
The air outside may be cold and your body may lack the warmth,
but run.
Leave your fears in the dust and run in hopes that you’ll reach the end.
I promise you that you’ll eventually make it home.

“she’s been smiling all day so you would think she’s perfectly alright,
but don’t you know she’s been crying herself to sleep at night?
even if she wanted to genuinely feel alright,
it just wasn’t that easy.”

“what are you afraid of?
“losing you.”
you then told me you would never leave my side
oh, but look at me now
i’m crying in the corner of my room
and you don’t even realize how hard it is for me to
stay alive.

 

Don’t try to love if you don’t know how to.

If you can’t love her with all you got, please let her go. You need to be the one thing in her life that’s always there, the constant. There’ll be days when she needs you there at 3 in the morning telling her she’ll be okay and that there’s nothing to worry about. Your arms should be her home and ONLY for her. Your smile should be her heaven on earth. Please love her for all she is, even if she has scars from the past she can never get along with.

But if you can’t do all this for your girl, please don’t waste her time. You need to be the person to kindle her spark, not dim her lights.

I’m the master mind at breaking my own heart
with the simplicity of thoughts
that are almost impossible to achieve
I’m still in love with you
or perhaps it was just the memories
we made together

although you will only remember
the colour of her eyes
the smoothness of her skin
and the beauty of her hair
i will always remember how madly in love
i was with you and
i still am
but this has taken a toll on me
and it’s gnawing away
a part of my soul day by day